As a high-level functioning sociopath, I am not surprised at all that I fell into depression, AGAIN.
Being the greatest mind of the 21st Century means I am well aware of everything, including - especially - the bad stuff. I understand the evil that lurks in the hearts of men. Like The Shadow.
Once, years ago, I made a wish that I would understand people. That wish was granted, and like Martian Manhunter, I was overwhelmed by the erratic, dark thoughts of humans.
Depression impairs my ability to write and I find myself falling behind writing deadlines. However, while my work in creative projects suffer, depression also pushes my mind into other parts of problem-solving.
I see now what I must do to solve one of my outstanding issues - how to get RM2 million and retire quickly before I become one of them. One of the lifers. Before I lose all interest in creating things and just maintain stuff. Before I get swallowed by the machine.
Most people don't understand that the only thing I have ever wanted to do was and is to write. I tolerate other things so that I can afford to. Writing is not that profitable here in this country, and writers often have to take on day jobs so they could write what they like during their free time.
Trust-fund babies and rich people don't count. It's the swamp-rats like me who have pushed and pushed so that we could find some time to practice our craft. And not starve doing it.
I once tried to get some writers together so we could form a union like the Screenwriters Guild of America. However, only three people showed up. None of us wanted to sacrifice our time from writing to do the necessary evil of organising everyone into one strong and solid hammer.
Everyone works in solitude, and every writer stands alone. Forever and always.
I know of several endings to the path I walk, and I have enough balls to inch my way ever so closer to my goal - freedom from money and financial bondage so I could write whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want to, however I want to do it.
And for the first time in personal history, I'm doing this entirely for myself.