Thursday, September 22, 2011

General Erection

Speculation is rife that the Malaysian General Election will be soon. Before December, they say.

Fuck this bullshit, man.

On the day of the election, I'm going home to Kuantan. I have a machete at my apartment, just in case race riots happen and I need me a new 42 inch TV, but in Kuantan, I got more weapons.

My father just bought two more meat cleavers that can cut through bone. Wrought-iron shit.

And I got a fucking spear! In my bedroom.

If you want my spear, you can come and take it away from me. Fuck the keris, man. My javelin-class spear can kill you before you even draw your melee weapon at me.

That's a +12 stabbing damage right there. And if I can gain access to some illegal Lannate - type-1 pesticides, it would have a +5000 poison damage.

Lannate is so potent, we poison wild boars with it. When the wild boar dies, sometimes ducks come and spoon for worms on the spot where it died. Those ducks? Gone. Dead. Flies would come and buzz around the dead ducks. Flies dead. Ants come to eat the flies. Ants dead.

That's how poisonous Lannate is. And village people, they always have Lannate lying around. None of that bullshit Paraquat or Gramoxxone. Fuck that shit. Lannate is the poison to kill.

I don't give a shit who wins or loses, but if you come to my house on Election Day with a weapon, I'm giving you a spear to the face. DO NOT fucking taunt Happy Fun Ball.