Someone asked me today, whether I want to see ghosts. As in, ghosts as defined by the Malaysian culture. The hantu raya, the toyol, etc.
Me: For what purpose would this be?
Guy: If you do see ghosts, you will not be you anymore. You will spend the rest of your life looking for ghosts.
Me: For what?
Guy: You will.
Me: Look, I don't care whether ghosts exist or not. In fact, even if they do exist, then they do not answer my fundamental questions. My primary goals.
Guy: What are your primary goals?
Me: How to achieve happiness, and how to make money.
Guy: Blergh.
Me: If I do see ghosts, how do I turn that into a profit?
Guy: Some people say they can create gemstones and gold from mysticism.
Me: Very good. Bring the gold and gems to me, and I will get them a good price. We'll start an industry - supernatural jewelry. Is this real?
Guy: Well, one guy has one gem.
Me: Not enough. We need kilos of the stuff. This is what bothers me. How do we get to manufacture say, a tonne of supernatural gems and precious metals in a year? How many mystics do we employ? Do we give them insurance? What's our target market? What would be a feasible marketing scheme?
Guy: I don't think you can sell this.
Me: Then these things are irrelevant to me. Why would I want to waste my time on it? So that I can be proven right or wrong? How will that make money? How will that be a good investment of my time? I have my own beliefs, and proving or disproving my claims are unimportant, when compared to the potential financial benefits of, say, I don't know - selling keropok lekor?
Guy: But these people have seen things!
Me: Irrelevant. I do not care about the veracity of their claims.
Guy: Do you believe in spirit possession?
Me: Only if it makes me a million bucks.
Guy: What is your explanation for spirit possession?
Me: I have none.
Guy: Do you believe in spirit possession?
Me: My beliefs are irrelevant and inconsequential.
Guy: These things do exist.
Me: And?
Guy: One day, you will believe.
Me: Maybe. And?
Guy: Then you will say that I am right!
Me: You are right. And?
Guy: ...
Me: ...
Guy: You're no fun.
Me: Do I have a sign in front of my house that says 'dead nigger storage'?
Guy: What?
Me: Do I have a sign in front of my house that says 'dead nigger storage'?
Guy: What the fuck?
Me: So there.
