Thursday, March 26, 2009

Lap Dance Lap Dance Revolucion

I just got myself a laptop. Well, it's actually a netbook.

RM1,500. Plus all the other bullshit, it's RM1,600++.

Guess what I'm using to do this article now?

AM using Open Office, so when I present shit to potential and existing clients, I won't have the awkward moment when they see that the software is licensed to the 'Lord of Destruction' or 'Cunt-Kisser Inc'.

This netbook doesn't have a disk drive, but it has a 1.66GHz processor and 2GB of RAM. With 160GB of space.

There is a huge difference from using my normal desktop PC. With my desktop PC, it's like sexually-assaulting your 40-year-old wife.

That one has a dual-core processor, 4GB of RAM and I abuse it like a two-bit ho. It knows how to turn tricks.

This netbook is smaller, looks better, but is as dumb as a 16-year-old who doesn't know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue, bitch!

I had to guide it all the way.

With my desktop PC, I could open 20 different applications and 100 tabs of Firefox and IE AND it still can run a movie or two.

This laptop crashed my Firefox windows when I opened six apps at the same time.

What a lame virgin.

And I wouldn't be able to type as I am used to on the netbook. I started typing on a typewriter. A fucking mechanical typewriter. Using only two fingers.

I still type on keyboards like it's my father's old typewriter. This means that every two months, I need to buy a new keyboard.

My current keyboard for the desktop is missing the buttons for A, E, and a few more. So on my way home, I grabbed two cheapo keyboards and a laptop bag.

The two Logitech USB keyboards are only RM25 each, without haggling.

The first shop I went to was selling it for RM32-RM35. When I wanted to use my credit card, the sales assistant asked, loudly, "NO MONEY, AH?"

So I said, "No." And left.

The next store had better service. And cheaper price. I bought my laptop bag for RM48. Without haggling. I hate haggling.

It's big enough for my netbook and a few hard-copy movie scripts, some books, my AWESOME portable hard drive and tethered modem as well as all the other shit that came with the purchase.

I even have enough space for the USB keyboard I am going to use with this laptop. Using the netbook's keyboard will ensure that I will break the netbook after a few weeks.

And also the optical mouse. I. FUCKING. HATE. TOUCHPADS.

Yes, I am a cheap bastard.

But this netbook is NOT the cheapest I have seen. There's one for RM600++. With a 453Mhz processor and 8GB hard disk space.

The fuck am I gonna do with 8GB? My fucking THUMBDRIVE is 4GB already.

The shopkeepers shook when I asked them about certain units I know are under or just over RM1K. Profit margins, man, profit margins.

But this netbook is okay.

I just need to break it in.

Like a new hooker.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rape this netbook and probably ruin my eyes as I complete an entire project on it.